Wednesday, June 2, 2010

‘Uncovered: Revealing the Secrets of a Sexy Marriage’ by Susie Davis – Book Review

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No matter whether one has been married for a month or several decades, there is always room for improvement in the marriage relationship.  ‘Uncovered: Revealing the Secrets of a Sexy Marriage’ by Susie Davis is a book which, with practicality and humor, provides lots of helpful tips on how to grow closer.

This is the synopsis of this book:

          Having a happy and sexually satisfying marriage isn’t work – it’s fun!

Uncovered shares the secrets of understanding your husband and making your marriage your top priority using biblical wisdom, practical sense, and a bit of feminine charm.  With plenty of wit and realistic advice, Susie Davis shows you

·         how to get over your naked self and love your body
·         what “speed sex” is (hint: it doesn’t mean breaking records)
·         the important of letting your husband be a man
·         and much more

Each chapter also includes a top secret section called The Male Room where real married men reveal their true feelings about their wives and marriage.
If you’re ready to improve your relationship – and have fun – with the most important person in your life, this is the book for you.

Here is the biography of the author:

Susie Davis is the author of several books, including Parenting Your Teen and Loving It, and is a popular retreat and conference speaker.  She is founder and director of Susie Davis Ministries and has a passion for helping others develop God-centered relationships.  She is also a radio personality on the River in Austin.  With her husband, Will, she co-founded Austin Christian Fellowship in Austin, Texas, where he serves as senior pastor and she frequently teaches. They have three children.

I also discovered by reading this book that she is married to Will Davis Jr.; I will be reviewing his book, ‘Pray Big: The Power of Pinpoint Prayers’ soon.

In the Introduction, Susie asks her readers to pledge to take action:

So before you read even one more word, I ask you to pledge that you will do at least half of the suggestions in this book.  (Honestly, if you’ll just add a little speed sex to your marriage you could probably stop at that one.).  But even if you can’t promise now, please know that because you haven’t closed this book yet and you are reading this intro – you are already that much closer to actually doing something to improve your marriage. (p. 14)

In the chapter entitled ‘Superman,’ Susie makes the point that men have been emasculated over the years – and their wives are often the ones that cause that to happen:

…how many times have I unintentionally attempted to warp my husband’s masculinity by mandating safety, passivity, and rule keeping?  How many times have I squelched his dream?  Asked him to put down the metaphorical weapons of battle?  How many times have I asked him to be nice and not be dangerous?  How many times have I failed to let my man be one of the boys? (p. 48)

Susie goes on to explain that wives have a great deal of power over their husbands:

What you may not realize is that as a woman, you have a tremendous amount of power over the man you’re married to.  In many ways, you hold the key to avoiding what [C.S.] Lewis calls “the castration.”  In millions of little ways, you can either affirm your husband’s masculinity or you can crush it.  I truly believe if wives really understood the depth of power they possess purely by passion, proximity, and physicality, they would feel secure in understanding their worth and value as women.  If we could just grasp the fundamental issue of how relationship and marriage impact a man, we would stand tall and marvel in amazement, wielding our influence for positive change. (p. 49)

That statement alone is worth the price of this book!  Wives need to respect their husbands; it’s biblically based and so important to the psyche of their husband.

Susie shares the following statistic about how we talk to ourselves:

…the truth is, you send about 66,000 messages to yourself every day….  Psychologists tell us that on the average, you and I send 66,000 internal messages daily.  And the startling thing is that about 70 percent of those messages are negative.  That’s a heck of a lot of self smack-talk. (p. 57)

We need to love ourselves in order to extend love to our husband.  We need to accept ourselves, and adjust our attitudes toward the positive side:

Girlfriends, sexy started as a frame of mind.  It’s born from knowing you’re appealing.  And in this case, not to the masses, but to the one man who matter most: your husband.  And the fact of the matter is, once your man is touching you – should he be a good man who is full of the best kind of love – he ceases to focus on how you look and begins to think of the pleasure of making you feel good.  And when that is going on, it should make you feel immensely sexy in the one and only place sexy belongs: marriage. (p. 62)

When we love God, we should accept that He made us in His image:

When you love God, you don’t smack talk him, right?  And certainly, if you truly love your neighbor, you wouldn’t talk negatively about them.  Well, then, the same is true for you too.  If you love yourself, you should keep from letting all that negative self-talk roll around in your head.  It’s just not fitting to say hateful things about someone you love.  And while we all understand that and probably think it’s a smart idea, in practice it can get a little difficult. (p. 63)

In terms of the materialistic society in which we live, Susie suggests we raise our expectations about the life we want to live, and the ‘stuff’ we surround ourselves with:

…perhaps raising expectations might be smarter.  And I don’t mean that you want for more where stuff is concerned.  I am thinking that you want for more where your relationship is concerned – raise those expectations.  Because if it’s true that Americans are more prosperous – and more depressed – than ever, it just stands to reason that maybe we’re looking for happiness in all the wrong places. (p. 88)

Susie suggests that we develop a mission statement for our marriage.  There are great reasons for doing so:

The idea and implementation of a marriage mission will likely do a few interesting things.  First, it will kill the hording, stuff-whore mentality in marriage.  Second, it will inspire you to think big and to consider impact.  And third, it will also help you see a truth that smacks Will and me in the face daily: people are hurting more than we know. (p. 92)

Susie states that grace and mercy are important in marriage:

It’s the gift and beauty of unearthed love that sets apart a marriage that works from one that doesn’t.  Because in the end, there’s no perfect marriage…only perfected lovers.  Lovers who understand grace and mercy.  The kind who, in a transcendent way, “say grace” over their whole relationship, their whole life.
Many days – more than I care to confess or even imagine – grace is what keeps Will and me together.  And though that may sound startling or terribly unromantic, it’s the most freeing thing I’ve ever experienced.  To know that I’m loved unconditionally is an earthly taste of the Divine.  And for that, I’m implicitly and undeniably grateful. (p. 158)

This book is coming out at a perfect time; June weddings are very popular!  This book is perfect for both men and women, both newlyweds and those married for decades.  There are questions – ‘Uncovering the Truth’ – at the end of each chapter that can be answered by individuals or discussed with your spouse.

I really 'Uncovered.'  Susie has a fun, conversational style of writing; she seems like someone you’d like to spend time with at Starbuck’s!  She provides a lot of valuable information for married people that will help them grow closer if they implement some of her ideas.  I appreciate the pointers that she includes in this book, and her transparency in revealing the struggles – and the joys – in her own marriage.

You can order this book here.

Available May 2010 at your favorite bookseller from Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group.  This book was provided by Revell Publishers for review purposes.

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