‘Permission to Speak Freely: Essays and Art on Fear, Confession, and Grace’ by Anne Jackson – Book Review

There are many things in the church today that are not as Jesus would like them to be (all you need to do is read the Bible). Many churches are not loving and open enough to allow people to open their hearts to show the dirt that is hidden in them. In ‘Permission to Speak Freely: Essays and Art on Fear, Confession, and Grace,’ Anne Jackson, who blogs as Flower Dust, hopes to bring more transparency – and love - into the church setting and in our lives.

Here is the synopsis of this book:

        What is one thing you feel you can’t say in church?

Anne Jackson posted this simple question on her blog in a moment of curiosity. The question struck a nerve. Hundreds of people from around the world responded; everyone had something to say.

Buoyed by this overwhelming reaction and her own life experience, Anne decided to dive deeper into what provoked such a profound response. Piecing together poems, stories, and personal insights, Anne explores the possibility of honest, real confession among saints and sinners.

Can someone really live a life of no secrets?

With raw honesty and humor, Anne shares her own struggles and writes about the tension between brokenness and holiness, cutting through Christians’ polite masks of “everything’s fine” and into the secrets shames we hide. She explores if faith and real life can co-exist, whether any secret is too shameful to confess, and most of all, if it’s really possible (and okay) to be a human in church today.

Here is Anne’s biography:

Anne Jackson is an author, speaker and activist. A contributing writer to various blogs and magazines, she is also the author of Mad Church Disease: Overcoming the Burnout Epidemic. Anne (www.twitter.com/flowerdust) is a cyclist who rides for the Ride: Well Tour, a cross-country cycling tour raising awareness and funds for Blood: Water Mission. An advocate for Compassion International, Anne and her husband, Chris, live near Nashville, Tennessee.

Here is the very charming and compelling author focusing on the subjects of sanctuary and confession, which are prominently featured in her book:

In the Introduction, Anne shares the origins of this book:

People have shared thoughts about politics and sex and mental illness and confusion and racism and Jesus and poverty and music and addictions and money [on her blog, FlowerDust.net]. They all felt, for some reason, they couldn’t freely discuss these topics (and many others) in the church.

A year and a half later, the website PermissionToSpeakFreely.com launched, asking for artistic submissions of confessions (photos, postcards, letters, anything else) to be used in this book and on the website.

What are people afraid of? What’s holding them back? How do faith and brokenness coexist? Why do bad things happen? Where is God in all this mess?

The purpose of this book is simple: to share the confessions I’ve received from the website or through the mail, as well as stories from my own life and experience, to show you that you’re not alone in your battle with fear and secrets. I know not everyone who thumbs through this book is a Christian. I am, and so I write this from an ever-exploring, continually learning, faith-based point of view…

To be frank, I am somewhat tentative to share some of these confessions and stories because I don’t want to paint a negative picture of the magnificent creation of the church. So with that said, please know the confessions that are shared aren’t directed at the church.

Instead, I believe the confessions in this book fly as misdirected arrows, coming from hearts so wounded they desperately need grace, freedom, beauty…

….and hope (pp. xv-xvi)

Anne writes a chapter on fear. She resolves to stand up to it:

After three decades of letting Fear intimidate me, I’ve decided enough is enough. It’s time to fight back. Fear may still exist and hide in the corners of my heart and my mind, but I refuse to allow him to have the control he once had.

Well, at least I’m attempting to try.

I realize fear isn’t only affecting me, but humanity as well. As I look around today, I see them hooking into many people I encounter. Their hearts are fighting for their dreams, yet Fear claws away at their spirits, telling them their dreams are impossible.

These people want to have a family, go back to school, quit their jobs and move to Africa, ask that girl out, volunteer at a shelter, stand up for justice, pose a question, right a wrong, or say hi to their neighbor, but Fear soaks into their bloodstream like a paralyzing virus and prevent them from taking a step in the beautiful, wonderful, difficult life in front of them.

Fear wants to stop their stories.

And with the pain and brokenness and hurt in this world, we simply can’t let it. The human race needs a hope and faith and light now more than ever.

The Scriptures say that through the love of Christ, we are to be that hope. That light burning brightly on a hill. Not hiding in the darkness of a shadow of a nemesis named Fear.

Yet we can’t fight it ourselves. (pp. 4-5)

Anne grew up as a PK – Pastor’s Kid. She grew up in the South, and there were a lot of people who felt that they were her judge and juror. She also had an interesting on two members of the Trinity:

Over the next few years, not much changed. Jesus was distinguished as a gentle white man who obviously was a fan of Pantene (how else could His hair be so soft and shiny in the pictures?) and His Father, God, was the Angry General who kept us all in line because Jesus was too polite to do so. Jesus could tell us great stories, but it was God who had the final word.

The people in the churches we would attend, for the most part, played the role of God’s mouthpiece, letting me know what He didn’t like me to do. Like run in the church or wear jeans or sit somewhere other than the second row with my mom.

I searched the Bible for guidance and confirmation about where I was supposed to sit as a preacher’s kid or what I was supposed to wear at church, but I couldn’t find it anywhere. (p. 12)

Things got trickier as she grew up:

As I got older, the disconnect between what I’d read in the Bible and what people in the church would actually say or do became more apparent and more confusing.

If there was anything being a Traditional Southern Baptist taught me, it was that I needed to know my Bible.

I think that if those really mean, really political people in the church really knew the power the words of the Bible held, they wouldn’t want us reading it and memorizing it so much in Sunday school.

Themes of grace, forgiveness, and love are woven in and out of the tissue-thin paper. But proof of the opposite is more than often what so many of us experienced if we’ve spent any amount of time in church or around church people. (pp. 19-20)

In Anne’s sophomore year of high school, her father was forced to resign his position as senior pastor. The unkind way in which it was handled by that church and its members had a devastating effect on her family:

We didn’t go to church anywhere. We tried a few times, but it was too painful – for my dad, because he saw someone else in the pulpit living out his dream, and for my mom, because she projected her heartbreak and lack of trust on the members of whatever church we visited. (p. 25)

Anne decided to try church again, but she was sexually abused by a youth pastor. She reacted in her usual way:

As you saw from my playground experience earlier, I run when hurt hunts me down. I put the blame for the pain I was experiencing from the “relationship” with this youth pastor on God and began to run from my faith again. God and I were through. He obviously didn’t care about me, so I didn’t care about Him anymore either.

To help numb the pain, I began experimenting with a lot of things that weren’t healthy for me.

A little alcohol.

Some pills.

And pornography.

I know, I know. Porn is a guy’s problem. Girls – especially teenage girls – didn’t look at porn. (pp. 31-32)

In her early twenties, after more ups and downs with God, she attended a church where He met her where she was:

I can’t recall a specific moment when I finally chose to surrender my heart to God again. That makes me even wonder if there was a specific moment. Maybe it was just a lot of little moments stacked up on top of each other. God didn’t prove Himself trustworthy to me in one big burning bush. He didn’t guarantee my happiness or take all my fear in one fell swoop.

But He did find me again.

Or perhaps, maybe I just allowed myself to be found. (p. 43)

She accepted a paid position at that church, despite godly counsel telling her it would not work out:

The church continued to grow rapidly. We went from four services to ten every weekend. Because of my background in corporate communications, I was asked to take a new position – director of communication and media. The new title (and salary and office) tempted me. I was twenty-four years old and would be the youngest person, and one of the only women, on our leadership team. Ignoring advice from our youth pastor that I wouldn’t fit in with the more corporate structure of “Big Church,” I followed my own heart’s desire and accepted the new role.

As fate would have it, my direct supervisor and I didn’t see eye to eye on, well, just about anything. We both had a history in the corporate world, but we were a generation or two apart. Where he preferred independence and micromanagement, I favored collaboration and networking. As a way to branch out and learn from other church leaders, I started blogging regularly. In my musings, I would ask questions about church and leadership. I was just trying to figure it out too.

Evidently, that wasn’t a good idea.

I was pulled aside one afternoon and told I couldn’t ask questions about theology or church leadership philosophy on my blog, regardless of how generic or unassuming my thoughts were. (pp. 45-46)

She complied – but knew she had to move on:

I told him I wouldn’t blog anymore about sex, and then I started looking for another job – not in a church. I should have gone with my first instinct of staying away from church and Christians, because I never could wrap my mind around the tension of being who God created me to be in a place that required that I keep the most unique parts of who I was hidden. (p. 48)

Anne noted that the church was a place of sanctuary for hundreds of years. She asserts that we need to get back to that place:

At the risk of sounding overly idealistic, I’d like to say that for those of us who believe the church should be one of the safest places and most grace-giving places a person can experience here on earth, it’s time to reclaim what our faith stands for.

It’s time for us to politely but passionately disagree with those who make church a “safe” place by removing all messiness.

It’s time for us to put all we have out in the open – not for the sake of faux humility or self-deprecating exploitation or attention, but for recognizing the things the Cross stands for and left for us: ultimate love and undiscriminating grace. (p. 85)

Anne has been profoundly moved by Jesus’ parable about the Prodigal Son as found in Luke 15. She had some realizations:

I choked back tears because I realized a few things. One, God wasn’t disappointed in me for not making something happen. He wasn’t mad because I hadn’t figured it out. Honestly, that was one of my biggest fears – that I had somehow disappointed God by not unraveling the mystery of how to transfer the knowledge of His truth from my mind into my heart.

And two, I was free from that responsibility. Sure, I had to prepare myself by learning the character of God and understanding the depth of His grace. But then I simply need to trust that He will guide me into what my next step is by illuminating something inside me as I continue the process of healing.

You can’t will transformation. You and I fail miserably when we try to work our way out of addiction, shame, anger, or envy instead of letting God work out His way in us.

You’ve been walking a long way on a journey back home. You’re scared to see your Father’s face because you know how much pain your sin has caused Him. You’re willing to do whatever it takes to be back home, even though you feel unworthy.

Now you can stop.

Let Him run to you. Let Him meet you where you are. You don’t have to beg your way back. He never stopped loving you, and after you confess, let Him celebrate your rescue and the beginning of the transformation. (p. 95-96)

In addition to God helping us, we need to accept the help of others. Anne became a friend of Jamie Tworkowski, founder of a movement called To Write Love on Her Arms. TWLOHA is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire, and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery. He shared this with Anne when they met up in New York City:

“Okay,” he said, tugging on the sleeves of his jacket and leaning forward on the table. “I’m sort of a freak about Bono. So there’s this song U2 does called ‘One,’ and there’s a line in it that says, ‘We get to carry each other.’ I read an interview recently where Bono talked about how it makes him mad when people sing that line wrong. They sing, ‘We have to carry each other’ instead of ‘We get to carry each other.’ So basically, he said if you sing it like we have to carry each other, we’re missing the privilege of it. We don’t have to – we get to. It’s an obligation, and stretch, and it take so much effort. But in the end, it’s a privilege that we get to carry each other. That’s just so right on. It’s so true.” (p. 177)

I know that song very well, and I never interpreted carrying each other as being a privilege in the way Bono wrote it to mean.

In closing, Anne says we have to choose to move away from fear:

Each time we decide to take a step away from fear, we begin to move forward into a life completely energized and rich in the freedom God has for us. And as we take more steps into freedom, our actions have the power to set others on that same course of freedom as well.

Only you can give yourself permission.

Not me. Not this book.

Not the church, whether you go to one or not.

Only you can give yourself the permission to speak freely.

Don’t let fear stop you.

Someone is waiting on you to tell your story. To share how you’re being rescued. To share how scary it is but how beautiful it is. Someone is waiting for the little ounce of courage that your voice can give them, so they can begin to find their piece of freedom. (p. 187-188)

This book is a combination memoir and submissions from Anne’s readers. It is raw and real. I grew up in a home in which there were a lot of secrets; unbeknownst to me until I was in it, I also married into a family with that mindset. So it is easy for me to want to be ashamed of and find the messy issues with others. I am amazed at her openness and think it helps other people to expose your hearts so that others are aware that they are not the only ones struggling. So I appreciate Anne exposing herself and her issues with the intention of helping others; so much courage! She has certainly helped me, and I in turn intend to use it to help others.

Although I own ‘Mad Church Disease: Overcoming the Burnout Epidemic,’ Anne’s first book, I have not read it as yet. I have had it in my heart to be employed in a Christian ministry for a long time – but I think the Lord wants to do some more work in me before. I think her book will help me to get an insider’s perspective on working in a church, just as this book shows outsiders what it’s like to deal with depression, addiction, etc…

You can order this book here.

This book was published by Thomas Nelson Publishers and provided by Book Sneeze, its blogger review program, for review purposes.

‘The Butterfly Effect: How Your Life Matters’ by Andy Andrews – Book Review

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think a lot about how all of my actions affect other people (I do more so than I used to, but still not often enough). In his wonderfully inspirational and lovely book, ‘The Butterfly Effect: How Your Life Matters,’ Andy Andrews shares with us a scientific theory by that same name that emphasizes the fact that what we do affects and matters to other people.  
     
Here is Andy talking about the Butterfly Effect:

And here is the book trailer (with some powerful images and music):

Here is the biography for the author, Andy Andrews:

Hailed by a New York Times reporter as “someone who has quietly become one of the most influential people in America,” Andy Andrews is a best-selling novelist and in-demand corporate speaker for the world’s largest organizations. He has spoken at the request of four United States presidents and at military bases worldwide. Andy is the author of the New York Times bestsellers The Noticer and The Traveler’s Gift, as well as The Lost Choice and The Heart Mender, and the children’s book based on The Butterfly Effect entitled The Boy Who Changed the World. He lives in Orange Beach, Alabama, with his wife, Polly, and their two sons.

In the Author’s Note, Andy explains what he learned from an old man named Jones (whose wisdom he shared in his book, ‘The Noticer’):

“When you know that everything matters – that every move counts as much as any other – you will begin living a life of permanent purpose. A life of permanent purpose will make you a better parent, a better spouse and a more valuable friend. Your productivity and financial success will soar to new heights when the old days of uncertainty, doubt, and depression fade into the past.”

          Of course, that conversation with Jones changed me. But even more, it became the guiding force that produced the kind of speaker and author I have become. You see, I understand fully that my very value as an author and speaker must ultimately be judged by the success you achieve. And as I consult with companies or speak to organizations and teams, I am keenly aware that much of my client’s (your) ability to succeed beyond imagination depends upon my ability to prove this very concept!...

          In these pages, I know you will find hope and direction for yourself, but I am most excited that you will now be equipped to lead others to their own life of permanent purpose! My hope for our families, our places of worship, our businesses, our nation and our world is an incredible life of permanent purpose that can be achieved when at last we understand: Every move we make and every action we take, matters not just for us, but for all of us…and for all time. (p. 3)

Andy tells his readers about the origin of the Butterfly Effect:

In 1963, Edward Lorenz presented a hypothesis to the New York Academy of Science. His theory, stated simply, was that:

A butterfly could flaps its wings and set molecules of air in motion, which would move other molecules of air – eventually capable of starting a hurricane on the other side of the planet.

Lorenz and his ideas were literally laughed out of the conference. What he had proposed was ridiculous. It was preposterous. But it was fascinating! Therefore, because of the idea’s charm and intrigue, the so-called “butterfly effect” became a staple of science fiction, remaining for decades a combination of myth and legend spread only by comic books or bad movies. (pp. 6-7)

What a neat concept!

Andy’s premise in this book is that the actions of Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain, a colonel in the Union Army, on July 2, 1863, affect the world to this day. The men of his 20^th Maine division won a decisive battle in the Civil War that kept the United States intact:

Historians have determined that had Chamberlain not charged that day, the rebels would have won at Gettysburg.

Further, historians tell us, had the rebels won at Gettysburg, the South would have won the war…and the war itself would have been over by the end of the summer.

Most people assume that had the South won the war, today we would exist as two countries, the Union and the Confederacy. (pp. 46-48)

Further down the road of history, there would not have been the big, strong, wealthy, populous United States that defeated Hitler in Germany in World War II and Hirohito in Japan in the same war.

Andy also explains that the life of George Washington Carver affected the life of future Vice President Henry Wallace, whose life affected the life of young Norman Borlaug. Borlaug went on to win the Nobel Prize and the Presidential Medal of Freedom for hybridizing high yield, disease resistant corn and wheat for arid climates, which is calculated to have saved two billion lives from famine.

Andy goes on to tells his readers of the uniqueness of each one of us:

          You have been created as one of a kind.

On the planet Earth, there has never been one like you… and there never will be again.

Your spirit, your thoughts and feelings, your ability to reason and act all exist in no one else.

The rarities that make you special are no mere accident or quirk of fate.

You have been created in order that you might make a difference.

You have within you the power to change the world. (pp. 104-105)

The very beating of your heart has meaning and purpose.

Your actions have value far greater than silver or gold.

Your life… And what you do with it today… MATTERS FOREVER. (pp. 108-109)

This is Andy’s second book releasing today; the other book is ‘The Boy Who Changed the World,’ which is the children’s book explaining this same concept (you can read my review here). This book is just as beautiful as the children’s book (which is beautifully illustrated by Philip Hurst). I would recommend this lovely gift book to all ages, and for all occasions. I will be keeping it on my nightstand to look at with regularity.

You can order this book here.

This book was published by Thomas Nelson Publishers and provided by Book Sneeze, its blogger review program, for review purposes.

‘The Boy Who Changed the World’ by Andy Andrews; Illustrations by Philip Hurst – Book Review

My husband, Fred, is a shepherd in the children’s ministry at our church; he shepherds first graders. He often finds that Christian messages are reinforced in his life as well as in the life of the children. I had a similar experience while reading the first children’s book from Andy Andrews, ‘The Boy Who Changed the World.’

Here is the synopsis of this lovely book:

The Boy Who Changed the World teaches children how their actions can set off a spark that, in turn, influences the lives of others. As Andrews explains, “Every choice you make, good or bad, can make a difference.”

Who would dream that a boy playing in Iowa cornfields would save the lives of more than two billion people? This is the incredible story of Nobel laureate Norman Borlaug, a simple boy with a desire to feed the hungry – but Borlaug couldn’t have accomplished this without the help of Vice President Henry Wallace, who was influenced by inventor George Washington Carver, who in turn was rescued by farmer Moses Carver.

This delightful children’s book tells the stories of how each life is interwoven by decisions – both big and small – of others. The decisions you make today truly can change the world. As George Washington Carver told young Henry Wallace, “Remember…God made you to make a difference. And I believe you will.”

Based on Andrews’ popular book, The Butterfly Effect, his beautifully illustrated children’s story culminates with a flourish of butterflies and a charge to children that they, too, can change the world.

Here is the biography for the author, Andy Andrews:

Hailed by a New York Times reporter as “someone who has quietly become one of the most influential people in America,” Andy Andrews is a best-selling novelist and in-demand corporate speaker for the world’s largest organizations. He has spoken at the request of four United States presidents and at military bases worldwide. Andy is the author of the New York Times bestsellers The Noticer and The Traveler’s Gift, as well as The Lost Choice and The Heart Mender. He lives in Orange Beach, Alabama, with his wife, Polly, and their two sons.

And here is the biography of the illustrator, Philip Hurst:

After obtaining a degree in illustration from Kingston University, Philip Hurst has worked for clients such as Faber and Faber, Reed Publishing, Egmont, and Dalmatian Press. He and his wife and three boys live on the Romney Marsh in Kent, England.

Here is the book trailer with Andy Andrews describing his book; this trailer includes some of the beautiful illustrations from Philip Hurst:

I love how Andy shares this story; he is a master storyteller, after all!:

I want to tell you about the boy who changed the world. His name was Henry Wallace. Henry’s father was a professor, and one of his students was a young man named George.

Henry loved to go with George on expeditions in the countryside. George knew more about plants than anyone Henry had ever known.

And here is the story of the man who would one day raise one of the best botanists the world has ever seen, George Washington Carver:

I want to tell you a story about the boy who changed the world. His name was Moses Carver. He lived on a farm with his mom and dad way up North.

Moses pulled nails out of some old barn wood while his pet rooster Buzz watched.

“Moses!” his mother called as she walked toward him in the field. “What are you doing?”

“Well, I figured if I got these nails out of this wood, we could reuse it for something like patching the chicken coop or building a shed.”

“Thank you, Moses. That’s a wonderful idea. I’m sure Buzz will appreciate it come winter,” she said with a smile.

“He hasn’t helped with a single nail!” Moses chuckled.

“You know, dear, every choice you make, good or bad, can make a difference. I’m proud of you for making a good choice today.”

And here is the culmination:

It’s odd, isn’t it? Every time something happens, something else happens. That’s called the Butterfly Effect.

When a butterfly flaps its wings, it moves tiny pieces of air… that move other pieces…that move other pieces of air. In fact, on the other side of the world, they might be feeling a big whoosh of wind – all because a butterfly flapped its wings here just a moment ago.

That means every little thing YOU do matters: what you did yesterday, what you do today, and what you do tomorrow. God made your life so important that every move you make, every action you take, matters… and not only for you or the people around you. Everything you do matter for everyone and for all time!

When you think about it like that…WOW!

That means YOU can be the kid who changes the world!

This is a very inspiring story, with absolutely beautiful illustrations! I plan to pass this book along to the children’s ministry at our church. I highly recommend it to any parent who wants to teach some wonderful life lessons to their children.

You can order this book here.

This book was published by Tommy Nelson, a division of Thomas Nelson Publishers, and provided by Book Sneeze, its blogger review program, for review purposes.